By Kari Ann Buckvold
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
—Stephen R. Covey
I’ve heard the above quote in some form or another over the years, but it wasn’t until I completed the Active Listening project in Pathways that it clicked. The Pathway lesson outlined the difference between merely hearing and actively listening. Active Listening is defined as “the process of understanding and repeating what you have heard” when interacting with others.
To practice this lesson on active listening, the assignment required me to serve as Topicsmaster at a club meeting where I could comment directly on the content of the participants’ speech. The experience helped me understand the importance of listening. The benefits of listening included:
- Developing a mental profile of each speaker to better understand them.
- Retaining more of the speakers’ shared information.
- Increasing the opportunity for a relational bond with speakers based on retained memories.
DEVELOPING A MENTAL PROFILE FOR UNDERSTANDING
When starting out as a Topicsmaster, it’s easy to fall into the trap of replying with the generic, “Wow, that was really interesting!” This typically happens when a Topicsmaster concentrates so hard on the next question and who they are going to call on, that they’re unable to focus on the speaker’s comments. It’s like patting your head and rubbing your tummy. Or, like many people, not having been trained in active listening, are waiting for the speaker to finish sharing so they can throw in their two cents.
But with a little preparation, I learned to create a list of members who had a small or no speaking role that meeting to call on, and give them the opportunity to grow. I also learned how to listen to their speeches and tailor my comments from the information I gained during their talk. This personal touch gave me a professional edge.
RETAINING SHARED INFORMATION
Retaining the information that each speaker shares might seem impossible. It seems like my brain would get full, but it doesn’t! Here’s a little secret: the more we listen, the more we remember about a person and what he or she said. In fact, it’s like completing a jigsaw puzzle. The more work we do to complete it, the more the picture comes into focus. The more we pay attention to the speaker, the more information we retain.
This is when it gets fun. We retain not only the shared information but also the personality of the speaker, allowing us to speak to the individual’s character and their previous speeches when in the Topicsmaster role. Instead of saying, “Wow, Janet, that was interesting,” I could focus and bring a personal touch to the moment by saying, “Wow, Janet, I had no idea that gluttony was your favorite of the seven deadly sins. You’ll have to share some of your favorite recipes with us.”
INCREASING OPPORTUNITIES FOR A RELATIONAL BOND
When a person passionately shares their message and we pay close attention to their words and character, we begin understanding the whole person. Active Listening helps both our personal and professional relationships. It allows us to demonstrate empathy and respect, encouraging the other person to speak more freely.
The natural byproduct of this human exchange is the development of strong bonds between the speaker and the Active Listener. It empowers us to turn the typical response of saying, “Wow, Janet, that was interesting,” into something that reveals a little bit about who we are like, “Wow, Janet, that was really brave of you to host both your in-laws and your family for Thanksgiving, you must be a glutton (wink wink) for punishment. Good thing gluttony is your favorite sin, at least you could eat to your heart’s content!”
This mutual sharing of information builds relational bonds that endure. By practicing the Topicsmaster role, we develop Active Listening skills that strengthen our personal and professional relationships.
© 2020 by Kari Ann Buckvold